This week’s theme seems to be centered on the importance of environment and how that can really affect how you act in the present.
I’m slowly coming to realize the potential of good energy and how that carries you forward. Lifestyle design is also becoming increasingly important to me. This probably comes from my obsession with good energy.
I’ve been watching a lot of Elliot Hulse lately. There was one particular episode that I feel changed my life. I can’t recall the name of the episode, but it was the one where he talks about being in group situations.
My view of myself in parties is that I’m awkward and have a difficult time speaking in a group of 5 or more. I consider myself very good at one on one situations though. Anyway, this video changed my life.
Elliot Hulse, on the other hand, sees himself as full of energy. He brings the energy to the party, but he finds that he used to drain out pretty quickly and then mid party become a recluse. He realized that he was giving away too much of his energy to “energy vampires” he called them.
This is when I realized I’m an energy vampire.
Didn’t feel too good about it. So now I’m on a quest of self-improvement (in terms of energy) and self-love.
The self-love thing comes from another thing I read recently about relationships. It was always my belief that to love someone you shouldn’t be possessive, you should always be ready to let the other person go at any moment. If you really love someone you accept that they are free, and that they are not yours. In a way you’re in a constant state of letting them go. I currently struggle with this. I don’t think I seem jealous or intense but in my head I feel like I am. It’s been something that’s really been bothering me lately, thus I’m working on it. Not only do I struggle with that, but I also have a problem saying the words “I love you”.
I’ve figured out a possible explanation though. In this article I read, they said that to love someone, you must be full to the brim with love in your heart. You have so much love within yourself it’s overflowing, and you want to share it. When you lack love in your life you become possessive, jealous, etc. This makes so much sense.
I recently went to Toronto firstly because my uncle had recently immigrated here and my family was throwing a party, secondly because I really wanted to get away. Being in the city just has such a different feel to it. The air is different the energy is different…. I’m not sure how to explain it other than it was just refreshing. It gave me a sense of purpose I guess?
Seeing friends other than the friends I have in Oakville was also refreshing. I realized that yeah, I have friends here and yeah I have friends online…. but when you’re surrounded by the same people everyday……. and the only other types of friends you have are online…. it’s hard to have that different type of energy around you. Something to inspire you and keep you going.
This makes me miss working at starbucks.
I just want to be the best person I can be. I also just feel like I’m procrastinating, but I’m also trying to find that mood where I want to work. I don’t want to work on this film without any inspiration, without any desire. I never want to work on something on the sole purpose that it has to get done. I want to care about what I do, and right now I don’t care that much. I think the biggest challenge for me with this film is to stay inspired.