Solitude

Hello Journal,

Long time no talk. I’m restless as usual.

I worked from home today for the first time. The thunderstorm was so awesome I had to open my blinds to just watch all the water pour out of the sky. There’s something about grey and gloomy… Thunder, noise, like you’ve never heard echo so loud in the open sky before… and the feel of rain just washing and washing and cleaning the human trodden earth.

Anyway. I played Team Fortress 2 for the time that I wasn’t working on Robbie’s thing. I watched a lot of vsauce today. It was awesome.

I feel lonely and tired and a little sad, but I don’t want to give up on this day yet because there is still so much left to it. It’s not even 10 PM yet. Today I learned that there is a probe that was sent into outer space that with it carries a golden record. This record contains information about humanity… and also a song. The song is Dark is the Night Cold is the Ground .

It’s supposedly a song about loneliness. It was written and sung by Blind Willy Johnson, a blind man because his mother threw lye in his face when he was a child. He also grew up really poor and at one point was sleeping on newspaper for a bed.

I find it very romantic and poetic that there is a golden record 8 billion+ miles away from earth carrying this golden record with this information and this song. It sends goosebumps down my body. Can you imagine if another human being found this record after a thousand to a billion years from now? I could only imagine, I could only hope that they could connect with this song. Man. And what of that little robotic probe?

If I was the alien life form I would think that this is what this probe must feel like. All alone floating farther and farther away in space. We sleep we wake we sleep…. we live then we die and all that time the manmade probe is floating further and further away. I wonder if it was sentient, if it was self-aware, what would it feel like? What would it think? Does time even move in such a large space? If time has no mass to relate to….. would distance affect time? I don’t know.

I’m lonely though.

In a world with so many people, I’ve somehow managed to isolate myself.

I’m like the cat we just got. Yule is her name. She hides under the bed and doesnt’ seek affection or attention at all. Only if you go up to her pull her out of under the shadows and play with her and gently coax her out of her fear and solitude does she enjoy your company. I don’t know. Maybe the artist lifestyle isn’t for me.

I don’t know. But maybe I should sleep now. Maybe I should give up on this day. Maybe I’ll go for a bike ride. Yeah. Solitude.

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