Distractions Then Death

Greetings Journal. 

Sticking to my commitment to write more often. Once a day at least even if it’s just 5-10 minutes. 

I tried to keep mental notes in my head about what I wanted to write, but the only thing I could remember regarding that was a small mental note on the popular game Candy Crush. 

A lot of people play this game. 

So many people play this game. 

Segway to another thought I had while playing Candy Crush at the dentist’s office: it was about focus. As a child could drown out the entire world and just focus on what was in front of me. I could literally walk around a busy intersection and read. Sitting in the doctor’s office is so incredibly distracting. Sitting there with just the radio on, I couldn’t focus on what I wanted to read. My mind is always alert.

I really enjoy thinking about why people behave the way they do. Which kinds of behaviours are our reptilian brain and which ones are actually our frontal lobe reasoning out our behaviour? Is this behaviour determined? Can it be predicted? I find that I’m always thinking about this in the back of my mind. 

As I was pondering the contrast between a child’s ability to focus and an adult’s ability to be constantly alert, I came up with a few thoughts.

Children can focus because they are new to this world. They are not used to certain objects, thus feel the need to examine them closely. Genuine directed curiousity I supposed, supports focus. Also, as a child, I was always fully aware of when my mom called to me, or if people were talking in the background. 

Adults on the other hand become desensitized or used to the world around them, therefore whenever a new situation arises such as someone walking into the doctor’s office, it easily grabs the attention of the adult. Catchy songs on the other hand, especially the music they were playing on radio may invoke a nostalgia in the adult brain and then thus trapping the adult’s attention with it’s catchy melody. An unwanted, involuntary memory exercise.

The problem, for me, remains then, how can I have that child like attention then? How do I block out the distractions? How can I keep myself from automatically responding to distractions?

Speaking of distractions I just got completely distracted right now. Beginning to think that this is a big issue for me. Anyway….

Meditation might solve some answers. Habit forming. Memory games? Perhaps appropriate usage of an mp3 player? Google might have some answers. 

I will explore all of these in depth…. Soon.

Other than that little ramble, I got my retainer fixed today, went to the doctor about my lower back and my jaw, then went to the x-ray clinic to get some x-rays done.

The x-ray clinic does not do a very good job of reassuring you that the radiation you’ve just received was for the better and not for the worse. On the ride back home all I could think of was what’s the worst that can happen?

Cancer.

The xray clinic was in the basement of the medical building. The halls were small and not very well lit. It reminded me very much of a dungeon and I felt like a huge rat scurrying around trying to find room B4. The radiologist made me put my hand over my crotch after I kept moving it slightly away. She mentioned later, “we don’t get very young people here”. Oh, was the response in my head. Again, my brain imagined the worst. Is my body being severely damaged from the inside right now? What is the percentage of potentially retarded/damaged children I can now have? I left with a strange daunting feeling.

Our lives all have an expiry date. Only when that expiry date is known or even suspected to be closer do we think about death and what it is to die. 

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