Free flow writing

So I went to Montreal for the weekend. I learned quite a bit while there actually. It was really refreshing to switch things up a bit.

My mom was here for the week/weekend. It was less invasive than I thought it was. I think I managed my anger pretty well. I don’t know what it is really. I feel really conflicted about my mother. I’ve been trying to think of a solution that I can accept but I just haven’t figured it out yet. It’s been causing me a lot of conflict in my own head. Here’s what I know:

My emotional side misses my mom
I am more irritable around my mom even though I try not to be
I want to like my mom
I want to have more respect for her
I want to be able to talk to my friends about my mom in good faith but I just can’t
In the back of my mind I’m worried that I’ll never see her again…
I don’t like that I get so mad and that I’m so irritable around my mom

Maybe I’ll come back and analyze this later. She’s in Quebec now enjoying the city and such and I’m happy for her. 

When we got to montreal we met up with Gaston’s brother Janeu (?). Big jolly guy. Two kids, a daughter and a son. Both seem like the type who were into motorbikes and metal/classic rock. I couldn’t help but notice the daughter’s boyfriend eyeing me… it was a little odd. He seemed like a cool guy though. I bet he spoke the most english out of all of them. 

Anyway, I met up with Eli, Stacia, and Serena on Mont Royale. Mont Royale gives you a great view of the city at night. We came up with an idea to develop an app that will show you all the different places when you point your camera toward it. Kind of like google space (or whatever it’s called). I thought it could be a great business idea. Not sure if it caught on.

It gave me the inspiration one day to learn how to write a business proposal. 

I feel like I always have these cool ideas that I present just as a “joke” but nobody ever really takes it too seriously. Maybe the idea isn’t good enough? Maybe they just don’t see the potential? How hard could it be?

I mean the other day I was riding in the car and I was thinking about how nice the leather seats were. I also needed to fart really bad. I imagined fart stains on the beautiful leather seats, and thought, wouldn’t it be great if there was a fart absorber that you could sit on? You could fart all you want, but nobody would have to smell it. It would be great if  when you stopped for coffee the barista at the drive-thru forgot that you were lactose intolerant. You wouldn’t have to call it a fart absorber either. It could just be sold as an option for the customization of cars. You’d just own the patent for it. 

Anyway, Serena and I slept over at Eli’s house after having the best poutine in montreal. It really was tasty. The next day we mostly wandered the city. Ate at L’avenue (great eggs benny btw, they make the best hollandaise sauce)… Then at night we walked on to the Jacque Cartier Bridge and watched the fireworks show! It was a really awesome experience.

The fireworks really made me miss my home town. I thought about taking Eugene to see the fireworks on the bridge too. I had an inkling that maybe this desire stems from my identity of Vancouver. Kind of like, “if he doesn’t want to come to Vancouver, I can show him Montreal (which is very similar)”! Montreal is a really great city. Went to bed soon after watching the new Whose Line Is It Anyway ep 3…

My mom picked me up the next morning and dropped me off at the bus station. I was actually really sad to see her go but I played it out as routinely as possible. It wasn’t until afterward did I feel genuinely sad. 

Somewhere in between these lines of story Eli and I talked about a lot of things that really got me thinking.

The first was about our moms. He reminded me that the heart grows fonder with time and with distance. I really identified with Eli this one night when we were talking about our moms. Moms, they tend to appear nice and kind and awesome to other people, but it’s hard to reiterate that same first impression because you’ve known your mother as she developed with you. “You don’t know her like I do” is usually my response. It’s true too they don’t. I guess what I was missing was that mothers are people, adults, like I am. They don’t know everything like the impression that they give off. They grow and they change with you. You probably think you know who you are after having a child, but maybe that isn’t so. I don’t know why it’s taking me so long to understand and accept this. That the image of my mother pre-aneurysm is the mother I most identify with. She’s more of my “real” mother. It might just be the fact that the change was so abrupt, and I just didn’t acknowledge it. Maybe I am in the process of acknowledging it. 

The second thing that really inspired me was talking about writing at brunch. I can’t recall exactly what the conversation entailed, but I was inspired to start writing more I guess. I just want to know what it’s like to develop an idea in writing. Is it like art? You start broad, then you go more and more specific until it is finished. You can see the piece up close or far away and it will still be beautiful. How does that work with words? In Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud, he claims that words are the most abstract art. It makes sense why that is. 

There are two types of writing. Free flow writing, and structured writing. From free flow you take what you need to build a structure…. and that’s how you do it. That’s how a lot of things start. 

So here’s my free flow of the day. I’ll try to write everyday, even if it’s just 10 minutes of writing. I’ll try to keep mental notes about what I want to write about when I get home. I’ll try to keep that emotion as loud as possible when I write too. If I can recall it. That’s the tricky part I guess. Holding on to an emotion while you create. You can’t create or call yourself a good artist without.

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