I think a lot about what would happen if I broke up with Eugene. Life would be a lot less convenient, but at the same time, I’m not sure how much longer I can put up this face. It’s beginning to resemble a sugar daddy relationship. I’d rather do this than work 9-5 though, and then have to struggle and worry about earning money through school. I’d rather get an education. Somethings require sacrifices.

I feel like the world always wants something from me. To take something from me. If I willingly give back would that suffice?

I feel mentally exhausted everyday. Been thinking about seeing someone again about this  ridiculous depression.

Today was fun though. Went plein air painting in the morning. Walked through a thunderstorm, got lost, went to Mara’s crazy gym, then went to Brandon and Ryan’s for shenanigans. Overall a good day to be unemployed. 

It’s a bummer that Claudia gave away my job so easily. I’m really sad about it, because I cared a lot about that job and I really liked the people there…. but it makes sense on their part to just give my shifts away. I feel cheated, but such is life. Ebbs and flows. Ebbs and flows. This tide I can handle, this tide will wash over like the rest of them. In the end I decided I’ll just collect my last cheque and thank them for everything. I guess I’ll offer to come in if they ever need help. It was generous of them to give me the job and over-look my shortcomings the whole time anyway. 

Time to look for a new job. Everything is always about money. Everything. 

I was thinking about why I was so unhappy. I wasn’t exactly thrilled working either. Maybe this isn’t what I want. Unemployment is great because it gives you a lot to think about in a different perspective. It also emphasizes my sadness, but at the same time this is a great opportunity to figure out why. My plan other than the obvious find another job is to figure out why I’m sad when I’m not making money. Why the absence of no obligations drives me crazy. People complain all the time that they had more time to do this or that. Why is that not so with me? Anyway, it’s given me a lot to think about. So I will do that. 

Been doing hot yoga with Kat. we bought 3 months of it. Hopefully something will come of it.


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