I’ve noticed that days where I feel motivated and determined come in ebbs and flows.
Strangely enough, I’ve also noticed that I feel a lot better when I have a video game to come home to or to look forward to. I know it makes me sort of anti-social in real life but it’s so much more satisfying than watching tv shows. I’m not too sure why. My guess would be that it’s more interactive and you’re not just sitting there hoping that there watching, desperately hoping that there won’t be a cliff hanger this episode so you can go to bed. Also, I guess, video games allow for some human interaction. TV shows are just observing how humans interact… Hmm.
eugene left for north carolina today. at first i was feeling kind of jealous, not because of the work, but because there might be other ladies there but then i got over it. that jealously happened last night when i was with him. it’s weird. i noticed that i have a very strong attachment to people that are physically around me but when they are gone, as in not within physical reach, i often have an easier time letting them go. letting go when they’re close to me is the hard part though. its probably called separation anxiety, much like puppies whining whenever their owner leaves the house? anyway, that experience with eugene flooded my good mood with sad and negative emotions. though it was nice revisiting sad emotions, it was essentially sad. looking back on it, i don’t have any feelings toward eugene being gone for the weekend. actually, in some sense i feel kind of relieved.
i’m going to hang out with eli and shauna and the gang tomorrow. it’ll be fun seeing them all i think. i’m sad i’m not as close to them as i want to be… but i guess we don’t have that much in common. charlene’s wedding will be fun. i’m sad i wasn’t invited to her bridal shower. that’s ok though. it’s probably my fault anyway.
I might actually go to church this sunday of my own free will. I feel like I need it. strangely enough. whether it be to just have a reminder of the past to feel closer to home…
that just reminded me of something rude eugene mentioned the other day when i said i wanted to go home. he’s probably sick of hearing it. why don’t i just go home then. i should. i should. i want to. i should. i don’t have any money. well, gotta work on that now don’t we, Christine? perhaps i should pick up a job after derek’s. maybe at the mall or starbucks or smth. just after work. can you really handle 3 jobs Christine? Probably not. Just have to apply for more scholarships i guess. blargh. my life. i should have figured it out before i went into animation i think. that would have been the smarter thing to do probably. maybe i can ask my mom and dad for money to come home.
Things I want to get done over the summer
1. learn more french!
2. be more enthusiastic about stuff?
3. get healthy, be strong, be fit, be flexible.
- i want to build up my core strength for back purposes
4. think of a good film!!!
- be observant
- be aware of your thoughts
5. get ears pierced!
6. read books! Summer reads:
- Runaway Diary of a street kid
- Running with Scissors
- Game of Thrones
7. self-improvement! be awesome!
8. post in tumblr/do dailies and such
I should figure out my life. i have a feeling that i have too much planned for 1 day constantly